Jesus In the Fog
The Lord is my Shepherd
I shall not want
He makes me lie down in green pastures
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul
For over 12 years I have been battling with Chronic Lyme Disease. In the early years it was very difficult. A typical day would be: husband would get up with the children (I have 3), get them dressed & give them breakfast, then see them off to school. He would then go off to work. I would get up later in my own time and just sit around saving my energy for when it was time for the children to come home. I would then collect them from school in the car (it is only a 10 min walk). If I had enough energy I would give them their tea and then just sit with them until my husband got home. My husband would then take over and I would retire to the bedroom. I could not stand any noise or having people around me. I had to shut myself off from the noise of the television or the normal things children do.
Spiritually it was a very difficult time too as I was too exhausted to even pray. I couldn’t concentrate to form coherent sentences. When I attempted to pray it seemed as though they didn’t get past the ceiling. I couldn't manage church because of the noise. I questioned my faith and wondered if I was backsliding. Nevertheless the Lord ministered to me. He has shown me that even when I can give nothing in return he still loves me. He reminded me that He loved me before I knew Him and that all I had to do was lean on Him. When we can’t do anything for Jesus he understands and still loves us. He knows our hearts and our desires, when we can’t reach out to Him, He reaches out to us. I started to talk to Him as I would a companion in the home just about day to day things, most of the time it would be a very short sentence or just a thought given to the Lord.
On a rare occasion when I was doing a daily reading I came across the story of a man who whilst travelling to work would pass some large mountains in the distance. On some mornings he could see them clearly but on others there was a mist/fog obscuring his view. Despite the mist/fog this man knew those mountains were there. In the same way although we can’t see, hear or feel God’s presence He is still there beside us even through the BRAIN FOG. This story has stuck in my mind and has been a great encouragement.
About a 2 years ago I started going to a small house church and have been richly blessed with really 'meaty' teaching. I saw the Lord working in so many ways on a day to day basis. I also realise I have a lot still to learn. The Lord has impressed upon me that the time before His coming is short and I mustn't waste any of it.
I questioned how the Lord could use me, when I have so little energy. What energy I have is used to meet my family’s needs. Then Jesus reminded me that when I was just a babe in Christ all I did then was pray. He reminded me that when I prayed for my Mum and three sisters those prayers were answered. My mum and sisters know Jesus as their Lord. The prayers I prayed then were very simple ones, not long drawn out things. I thought well I can still pray simple prayers now so this will be my service to my Lord. I have rediscovered the joy of reading. Whilst reading God's Intercessor by Reece Howells I was encouraged to ask the Holy Spirit to not only fill me a fresh but also to dwell in me and live through me. I am learning to let God lead me as to who/what to pray for.
I have also been blessed by DVD's which a friend has kept me supplied with and I listen to sermons on the internet. I have started having quiet times with the Lord again. One of the things I have found most difficult is the loss of memory, being unable to remember a scripture or where to find it. I would start singing a chorus and then realise I didn’t know the rest of the words.
One day recently whilst having a time with the Lord I again started singing a chorus which on previous attempts I had been unable to remember the words. To my delight the words just flowed. I began to sing chorus after chorus which I knew from years gone by, it was like a floodgate had been opened. Since that day I have found when I try to sing songs that I want to sing I struggle to remember the words but when the Holy Spirit leads me to sing I have no problems.
The twelve years with Lyme Disease have indeed been difficult but looking back I can now see they have been a true blessing. Like the Psalmist I can say ‘He made me lie down in green pastures’. During that time in the green pastures the Lord has taught me so much, it is all His doing, we can do nothing ourselves.
I just wanted to encourage fellow sufferers by showing that the Lord Jesus has indeed Restored My Soul. When those around you put pressure on saying 'but you need to have fellowship, you need to go to church' don't let it get you down. The best fellowship you can have is the one to one fellowship with our Lord Jesus Christ.